Being publicly demeaned or “mansplained” by men is nothing new for a lot of women. We’ve all had to deal with a man, usually a stranger, taking it upon himself to voice his unwanted or derogatory opinions about what is “expected” of a woman.
A tweet of a mansplaining incident trended on Twitter Japan and sparked an outcry from women all over Japan. Back in July, Twitter user @mitsu_bachi_bee tweeted about a mansplaining incident they witnessed. An elderly man approached a mom and toddler who were standing by ready-made potato salads and said, “If you’re a mother, why don’t you make the potato salad yourself?” before walking quickly away. @mitsu_bachi_bee said they approached the woman to comfort her and bought two packs of potato salad in solidarity.
The tweet clearly hit home for many people, garnering close to 390,000 likes and over 130,000 retweets. Users chimed in with their own experiences of being publicly shamed by men at work, in the park, in hospitals, and so on. Poet and mother Minashita Kiriu (水無田気流) recounted an incident when an elderly man scolded her when her child climbed out of her shopping cart, causing it to almost fall. Other users accused the original poster of making the story up. The validity of the story may be up in the air, but it’s undeniable that similar “mansplaining” incidents do occur.
Media outlets quickly caught on the “Potato Salad Controversy” (ポテサラ論争; Potesara ronsō) train. Articles popped up espousing the virtues of ready-made food and recipes for quick and easy potato salads. It became a topic of interest on many TV variety shows.
The Lopsided Expectations Placed on Mothers
The main sore point of this dispute revolves around the assumption that mothers are expected to always provide homemade meals. Making potato salad and similar dishes can be quite time-consuming, as one user pointed out, and not everyone has time to spare. That’s especially true for mothers who juggle childcare and work. And it’s especially true in Japan, where married heterosexual women do significantly more housework than their male spouses.
The man’s comment also highlighted how oblivious many men are about housework and meal prep. Another user made a very good point: “People who don’t do anything for themselves don’t understand how hard it can be.” Women shouldn’t be criticized for “cutting corners” (手抜き; tenuki), least of all by men who do little to contribute to housework or child-rearing. There’s nothing wrong with being thrifty, especially when Japan is facing its worst economic recession since the 1980s.
A few days after the potato salad incident, Twitter user @saimin_echo snapped a photo of a sign at a local supermarket extolling the virtues of ready-made meals. The sales pitch of “selling time” resonated positively with a lot of people, with users applauding the store’s smart marketing strategy and counteracting the stigma of “cutting corners.”
The Expectation of “Beautiful Self-Sacrifice”
This dispute, rather than focusing on how to make potato salad, should focus on the expectations many hold about mothers. Being able to cook a homemade meal every day shouldn’t be a standard of motherhood. With the current pandemic shutting down jobs and schools, many households are having to work with a tighter budget, which might mean fewer extravagant, time-consuming meals. Even now, people still expect mothers to sacrifice more of their time for the sake of their families.
This “beautiful self-sacrifice” (美しき自己犠牲; utsukushiki jikogisei) long lauded as a virtue of motherhood, isn’t very beautiful at all. Unfortunately, society allows men to think they can get away with publicly demeaning women, even as those same men continue to demand more social responsibility from women without pitching in.
There’s no one standard on how to be a mother, and judging a mother by their potato salad is a pretty dismal indicator of how men see women.
